


MotoGP Friends

by Always_Dreaming



Category: Friends (TV), Friends AU - Fandom, MotoGP RPF, Motorcycling RPF
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-03-15 01:16:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13602501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Always_Dreaming/pseuds/Always_Dreaming
Summary: A parody of the TV show Friends, starring our favourite, and not so favourite, MotoGP riders.1. The One with the New Arrival2. The One with the Monkey3. The One with the Club





	1. The One with the New Arrival

**Author's Note:**

  * For [F1_rabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/F1_rabbit/gifts), [OnthePole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnthePole/gifts), [Fleurykat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleurykat/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group of friends in a coffee shop, one day are surprised by a new arrival.

A group of friends sat enjoying their coffee in _Vantaggio Centrale_ , the quirkily named café situated in central Barcelona.

Dr Marc Marquez, a palaeontologist at the city university, sighed heavily. “I still can’t get over Santi deciding he’s straight and running off with a woman.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” soothed his brother, Alex, who was a chef at a nearby restaurant. “At least you got married. Mama and Papa keep telling me I’m never going to.”

“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” said Jorge Lorenzo, who was Marc’s friend from college and now worked as a data manager or something. Nobody really knew or cared what his job was because it sounded so boring.

Andrea Iannone, an aspiring actor and Jorge’s roommate, just sat there looking handsome.

Meanwhile, Alex Rins, massage therapist and ex-flatmate of Alex Marquez, commonly known as Rins to avoid confusion, was setting up his guitar for his weekly performance in the café.

“All I wanted was to be happily married to my older, sugar daddy husband,” continued Marc, gazing sadly into his latte. “But it seems I’m destined to be single forever.”

Just at that moment, the café door was flung open and a small, cute man dressed in an evening suit with a red carnation in his buttonhole, rushed in, looking frantic.

The five friends stared as he hurried to the serving counter.

“Dani?” said Alex, jumping up and following him. “Dani Pedrosa?”

The man turned, then smiled with relief. “Alex Marquez? Oh, thank god!” They hugged each other. “I’ve just run out on my own wedding.”

“What???” Alex led him to the group of friends and sat next to him on the sofa, pushing Jorge and Andrea out of the way. “You left your wedding?”

“Yes. I was just about to marry the rich dentist, Valentino Rossi, I’ve been with him for years, but I realised I didn’t love him. I don’t want to be a trophy husband and live a shallow life just living off his vast fortune.” Out of breath after his long confession, Dani couldn’t have looked cuter and Alex had to nudge Marc to make him shut his mouth.

“How do you two know each other?” said Andrea, who was perching uncomfortably on a nearby chair.

“We were in the same class at school together, and Marc was a few years above us. Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce you.” Alex presented Dani to the others, who each smiled amiably or warily, depending on their character.

“Let me get you a coffee,” said Marc, and he hastened to the counter.

Andrea quickly sat down in his seat next to the cute new arrival. “How YOU doin’?” he asked, smiling and looking him up and down.

Dani, taken by surprise, just giggled coyly.

“So, we have a new member of our gang,” said Jorge to Alex. “Could I BE more excited?”

The chef paused for dramatic effect. “…I KNOW!”

Marc returned with the coffee for Dani. “Shhh! Rins is about to sing!”

Rins strummed on his guitar. “Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault.”

Dani sat there, feeling rather bemused. He’d been so lucky to run into his old schoolfriend Alex on such a traumatic day. But his friends were all rather weird, even his geeky older brother Marc, who kept gazing at him surreptitiously. He still used a lot of gel on his hair like he did at school, and Dani wondered if he’d stayed the same in other ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carrying on my usual silliness as I've been watching a lot of Friends lately. Oh how I want spring to come!
> 
> Imagine that these guys are all in their 20s and have been to school and college together. I think that makes Dani the same age as Alex. Oh well.
> 
> Vantaggio Centrale means Central Advantage in Italian, it was the nearest I could get to Central Perk :s


	2. The One with the Monkey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc's pet monkey causes havoc among his friends, but maybe sets some things in motion.

“Where are you staying?” asked Andrea of Dani as they still sat together on the sofa at the _Vantaggio Centrale_ café.

“Er…”

“You could always come and stay with me?” offered the Italian.

Jorge coughed pointedly. “Have you forgotten you already have a flatmate?”

“Shhh! Dani could have my room.”

Jorge raised an eyebrow. “And where would you sleep exactly?”

“Um…er…on the sofa?” Andrea looked innocent.

Alex overheard them talking. “I’ve got a spare room, he could stay with me?”

“That’s a much better option,” interrupted Marc, glaring at Andrea. “You’ll eat better at Alex’s place too.”

“Are you saying I’m obsessed with food?” Alex glared at his brother.

“No, but growing up with you, I had to eat quickly or not eat!” crowed the older Marquez.

Dani giggled. “So can I stay with you, Alex? I so want to pay my own way and not rely on Vale anymore. I’ll have to get one of these job things.”

“You could work here,” interrupted the café owner, Tom Luthi, looking at Dani with big eyes.

“Oh thanks.” The little Spaniard smiled cutely at the tallish, blondish man, who almost fainted.

“Are you sure it’s suitable for you to work here?” said Marc jealously.

“Oh, it’ll be fine. I can do a job, I know it,” said Dani.

***

Later, Alex was showing Dani round his flat, when there was a knock at the door. When he answered it, Marc stood there with Marcel, his monkey.

“What’s that?” shrieked Dani, hiding behind Alex.

“He’s my friend, who lives with me,” explained Marc.

“Your pet,” corrected Alex. “Not your friend.”

“Whatever! Isn’t he cute?” Marc presented Marcel to Dani, who recoiled. “I like to have pets, they remind me of how species evolved from the fossils I study in my job as a palaeontologist at the city museum.”

“I knew you’d get a job like that, you were so geeky at school,” said the little Spaniard.

Marc slumped. He’d hoped to impress Dani with his high-flying career but it had backfired. Then Marcel took advantage of his owner’s brief distraction, leapt off his arm and ran round the room madly.

Before Marc could catch the monkey, he latched onto Dani’s leg and began humping it.

“MARCEL!” screeched Marc, trying to drag him off while his brother doubled over laughing.

“Oh Marc, your monkey is fulfilling your wildest dreams!” giggled Alex.

“Shut up! Marcel! Stop it! Let go!” He pulled at the little creature, making Dani wobble so much he fell over. The monkey suddenly leapt forward, and Marc fell on top of his old schoolfriend. He blushed violently and struggled to get off him, but Dani was struggling too and they just got more entangled.

Alex was no help, he just laughed and laughed. Then the door flew open and the other three friends ran in.

“Ohhh…yeahhh…” said Andrea, admiring the cavorting couple on the floor, folding his arms and smiling. “Hot.”

“This is just as I foretold in my previous life,” said Rins. “When I was living as a French circus artist with just a peacock for company.”

Everyone stared at him for a second, then back at their struggling friends. Jorge stepped forward to help them.

“Could you BE any less subtle?” he asked, untangling Marc from Dani.

“Shhh!” said Marc, blushing even more.

Alex helped Dani up, who brushed himself down.

“Hmph. Perhaps I can freshen up in my room now,” he said, and flounced off towards it, followed by Alex, who was shouting, “don’t go in there with your shoes on! And make sure you use the guest towels!”

“Now you see why I moved out,” said Rins, “and currently live in a flat haunted by my dead grandmother.”

“Anyway,” said Jorge, turning to Marc. “Are you planning on telling Dani you’ve had a crush on him for like, ten years?”

The palaeontologist turned away, hanging his head awkwardly. “Oh… I don’t know! It’s been going on so long, won’t it look weird if I tell him now?”

Andrea was staring at them both, looking mystified. “So, you liked Dani at high school?”

“Yes, keep up,” said Jorge, rolling his eyes. “It was the big love of the century. Marc and Dani, Dani and Marc. They were always meant to be together, but doofus here won’t tell him.”

The Italian looked bewildered.

Just then, Jorge’s phone rang. He gasped when he saw the name flash up and showed Marc the screen.

“Oh no! Don’t answer it!” instructed the professor, but it was too late. Jorge had pressed the accept button.

“Oh. My. God!” shrieked a voice on the other end of the line. “You answered my call! When are we going out again, Jorgey? You’re always so busy.”

“Er…um…I don’t know, Aleix.” The data manager wondered what to say to his highly emotional, on-off boyfriend who was rather tiring to be with. “We’ll—er—go out tomorrow night, okay?” He ignored Marc and Andrea, who were waving frantically at him to tell him not to go.

“What’s the problem?” asked Rins.

“He wants to split up with this guy but he can’t bear to hurt him,” explained Marc.

“I’m good at splitting up with people,” said the masseur. “Tell him I’ll do it for him.”

They could hear Aleix still talking excitedly on the other end of the phone while Jorge sighed and tried to sound interested.

When he finally got off the phone, Rins told Jorge how he could help him, and he was so relieved, he hugged the blond.

“Thank you so much. Aleix is so nice but he’s too much for me.”

“You’re welcome.” They smiled at each other, but Andrea tutted and sulked. He didn’t want Jorge and Rins getting too close, for many reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing my quest to write funny and silly stories at this time of year.


	3. The One with the Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is closely based on the Friends episode ‘The One With The Rumor' where Brad Pitt guest stars. Sorry if it seems rude to Dani but I stuck to the script because I thought it was funny.  
> I am so annoyed with Alberto Puig for his treatment of Dani, I had to ridicule him. And of course Cal is always criticising Dani, so he’s in the firing line too.

Alex came rushing into the flat, carrying bags of food. “Guess who I met today!” he shrieked.

“Um…I don’t know,” said his brother, who was lying on the sofa reading a dinosaur magazine.

“Cal!”

“Who?” Marc’s mind was still full of flying pterosaurs.

“Cal Crutchlow! Remember him from school? He and I were in the weight loss club together, and you were friends with him.”

“Oh. Oh yeah…Cal. I forgot him. What’s he like now?”

“Totally different! He’s lost loads of weight, like I have and looks gorgeous!”

“Oh? That’s…interesting.”

“So, anyway, I invited him for dinner tonight. Call the guys and we’ll have a reunion. Obviously, Dani and Jorge know him, and Rins and Andrea can just come along anyway. We don’t want to talk about high school all night!” Alex babbled on excitedly while he put the food away and thumbed through recipes which would impress Cal.

***

Rins, Andrea and Jorge turned up at Alex and Dani’s flat, and stopped at the door for a minute to look at all the trouble Alex had gone to. He’d used the best china plates and the best cutlery and put fresh flowers in vases everywhere.

“Thank god you’re here!” said Marc, who’d been roped in. “I’ve been running round like an ant to get everything Alex needed for the evening.” He flopped down on the sofa to continue with his dinosaur magazine.

“He’ll be here in a minute!” shouted Alex. “Behave yourselves, Andrea don’t eat everything, Jorge don’t make stupid jokes, Rins don’t be weird.”

“Alright alright,” said Jorge. “My jokes are always funny, I’ll have you know. You just don’t get them.”

Just then there was a knock on the door.

“Get that will you?” Alex went into a frenzy of last minute cooking preparation.

Dani was nearest the door, so opened it to see a breath-taking vision of loveliness on the doorstep and gasped. 

“You must be Cal?” he stuttered but was surprised when the guest pushed rudely past him.

“Alex! Marc!” he exclaimed, hugging them both as the other three gaped at him.

“I don’t remember him from high school,” whispered Dani to Jorge.

“No, neither do I. He looks like Brad Pitt.”

“You look so good, Cal,” said Alex. “You must have lost seventy pounds in weight!”

“So do you,” said Cal. “We’re not the fatties anymore.”

After everyone had stared at Cal for a while, Alex served drinks, with help from Andrea. Jorge and Dani were still standing together, staring at the visitor.

“He’s mouthing something at me, what is it?” Dani asked, peering at Cal, who was staring at him from the other side of the room.

Cal was mouthing, “I hate you,” at him, then turned to Marc. “Can’t believe you’re friends with Dani after all our plans at school.”

“Well…er…”

“Dinner’s ready!” trilled Alex, handing starters of chicken baked in cream to Jorge and Andrea. “Don’t eat it yet!” he scolded the Italian, who was eyeing the dishes greedily.

Everyone sat down at the table as the chef fussed around telling everyone which dish was which.

“So, who would like some cheese and ham?” asked Dani politely. “Cal?”

“Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” said Cal.

“What?”

“You’d love to see me put on all that weight again.”

Dani stared at him. “Seriously, what?”

Just then, Andrea leant over him to grab the potatoes and the little Spaniard said, “be careful, you nearly knocked me over.”

“Typical!” coughed Cal.

“Pardon?” said Dani.

“I said, typical. King Dani always gets exactly what he wants, we all just have to obey.”

“Who is this guy?” asked Andrea, glaring at him.

“Do you have a problem with me, Cal?” asked Dani.

“I don’t know. Do I have a problem with you? Do I? Do I?” The visitor glared evilly at him.

“Er…I think you do,” said Rins.

“I think you were a bit mean to him in high school,” whispered Alex as he carried the potatoes round.

“A BIT mean!!” shouted Cal. “You made my life a misery!”

“I—I had no idea, I’m sorry!” stuttered Dani. “I’m really sorry for whatever I did to you in high school.”

“Oh it wasn’t just me, we had a club. The ‘I Hate Dani Pedrosa Club.’”

Everyone stared at Cal. Except Marc, who looked shiftily away.

“So…did you all just join together to hate me? Who else was in this club?”

“Me. It was just me. And Marc.”

Dani gaped at Marc. “So you were in an I Hate Dani Pedrosa club?” The little Spaniard glared.

“Put it there, bro,” said Cal, trying to high five Marc but the professor refused.

“Alex, did you know about this club?” Dani jumped up and confronted him.

“I swear I didn’t!” He turned to his brother and Cal. “Is this why you two used to go up into your bedroom and lock the door?”

“Yeah,” they said in unison.

“Hm. A little relieved, I have to say,” Alex continued.

“Look, I’m sorry. I was a stupid kid, okay,” Marc said, walking slowly towards Dani. “The only reason I joined it was because I was madly in love with you. The I Hate Dani Pedrosa Club was really the I Love Dani Pedrosa Club.” He gazed at Dani with big puppy eyes, and the little Spaniard relented.

“Except that it was really the I Hate Dani Pedrosa Club,” interrupted Cal, glaring at them both.

“No, Cal. It wasn’t,” Marc contradicted him, still gazing at Dani.

The visitor frowned even more, then said, “what the hell. I need comfort food.” And piled his plate high with every fattening item he could find—cheese, ham, chicken in cream, potatoes.

“So, you guys would just get together and say mean things about me,” continued Dani, staring at his newly discovered enemy.

“No, we did a little more than that,” sneered Cal.

“No, no, no…we didn’t.” Marc hastened towards his former friend.

“What did you do?” asked Rins.

Marc blushed and Cal chuckled.

“Oh come on!” demanded Rins as everyone was watching with bated breath.

“Well—er—the rumour was—that—er—Dani had both male and female parts,” stuttered Marc.

“What?” shrieked Dani, and Jorge and Andrea patted his arm.

Cal burst out laughing.

“Although,” said Marc, “there was a rumour about Cal too. Started by—er—someone…”

“What?” said the visitor, glaring at him.

“The—er—someone—said that you had—er—relations with the librarian at the school.”

“Mr Puig!” exclaimed Jorge. “He was like…fifty years old!”

“Oh I heard that one,” said Alex, laughing. “As if anyone would believe that!”

Dani was still smarting over the hermaphrodite rumour. “Why would you do that?” he shouted at Cal and Marc. “I always wondered why people made such a fuss of me and treated me like I was special.”

“Is it true then?” Andrea eyed him.

“No! Of course its not!” Dani snapped. “I’m totally male!”

“But Dani,” interrupted Alex. “You were the most popular boy in the school! The rumour didn’t ruin your life, it made you more well-liked and adored! We all know its not true, but it didn’t affect you one bit!”

“Hm. I guess so.” He looked thoughtful, while his friends hugged or patted him, depending on how far away they are.

“It’s much better than a stupid rumour about having sex with a fifty-year-old librarian,” chortled Jorge. “Who would believe that?”

Cal sniffed and they all looked at him. “I’ll have you know, Mr Puig—Alberto—was a gentle and tender lover.”

Everyone gasped but were then interrupted by a chewing noise and looked round to see Andrea nearly finishing a large pie.

“Mm…” he said. “Got any more, Alex?”

“No! That was meant to be for dessert!” shouted the chef. “This has been the worst dinner party ever!” He stormed off to his room. 

Then Cal stormed off out of the front door, shouting, “later, losers!” and showing his middle finger.

“How rude,” said Dani. “I hope we never see him again.”

“So why did you tell everyone at school about Cal and Mr Puig the librarian?” asked Jorge of Marc.

“Me?” said the professor. “Why do you think it would be me?”

“We all know how you feel about—” began Alex, but Rins kicked him surreptitiously. “I mean—er—how you feel about injustice.”

“Could you BE more obvious?” said Jorge. “We all know you have to right wrongs, like a kind of academic Batman,” 

“Okay, it was me…I wanted to get revenge on Cal for spreading the rumour about Dani.” Marc blushed.

The little Spaniard looked innocently at the man who wanted to be his lover. “Maybe I’ll forgive you,” he said. “If you call everyone from high school and tell them the rumour about me isn’t true.”

“What? I can’t do that!”

“It’s the least I expect.” Dani turned and flounced off to his room while the others all said, “Oh Marc…”


End file.
